The Calm Before the Storm

I've gotten so much done since the last time I actually blogged. Invitations have been sent out deposits have been paid and smaller decorating issues taken care of. In general things are swimming along. With the minor exception of my becoming a control freak throughout this process. Which is a little surprising because I am pretty laid back and in general I wasn't super opinionated about the wedding. However I am also bossy and as soon as a bossy person get the power to have people at their command it goes to their head. There is also the fact that I have been working on this wedding for almost a year now and when people come along wanting to change something I tend to get very defensive. Either way Kris mentioned changing the centerpieces and I responded poorly. Okay so not cool, but I'm working on it. He is now in charge of the centerpieces (under strict guidelines). He is also in charge of ordering the wedding favors. We now have a wedding website courtesy of Kris so you should all check that out at mywedding.com/kusswordsoflove . It is a good one.
Things have slowed down a little bit as far as details go, but I know it is just the calm before the storm. My Bridal Shower is coming up which I am excited about and Kris' tool party. Graduation is also right around the corner. A multitude of changes are coming in the next few months and I hope I am prepared to deal with them as well as I think I am. You never really know until you get there. Pray for us.

Frustration

There are very few things about wedding planning that I have actually like. The majority of the things that I get excited about picking out is murdered by the number crunching that I am forced to do afterward. All of a sudden my heart rate increases, I start to sweat, and I can feel panicked tears threatening. The very small allotment of money that I have to use for my wedding is trickling away and I know that there are expenses that we haven't accounted for. Little things add up. It almost outweighs the benefits of a wedding. I know that I'm probably hurting people's feelings by saying that. It's just that all I really care about is being married and for the majority of my life I have avoided things that stress me out if I can. This whole wedding thing is something that in theory I could have avoided and instead I am this emotional ball of stress. I hate being in charge of events. I hate spending large amounts of money that we barely have. I know people are helping and I am so appreciative, but it doesn't help the fact that I am on the forefront of money allotment and I'm not equipped to deal with it appropriately. I will never plan anything like this again. A kids birthday party will be the extent of my planning. I'm sorry.

Your Money for Nothing and Your Chicks for Free

Registering for your wedding is like a wonderful dream except for the fact that you are tired and hungry and a little overwhelmed. I have heard horror stories about couples taking days to register and the even worse possibility of registering on your own either because your fiance isn't free or doesn't care enough to be bothered. I knew that at least the second nightmare would not belong to me. Kris and I had already made plans to take care of registering together. I am not very good at decisions so having Kris in attendance to help me along was fantastic. Outside of wedding dress shopping registering is probably my favorite wedding activity to date. I loved it! The whole thing was a magical process. With every click of the scanner I felt as if we were painting a picture of our life as husband and wife. These were the plates we were going to eat off of and those were the pans that I would bake our cakes in. I barely noticed the hours tick away. There is a certain euphoria associated with knowing that you are choosing items that you won't have to pay for yourself. However, I do think that we were very considerate and thoughtful when choosing our gifts. The one big splurge item for me was the Cusinart Grind and Brew Coffee Maker! Its the thing that I want the most (besides marrying Kris of course).
Kris was such a good sport about the whole thing. He was patient while I waffled over mixing bowls and he never let on that he was starving. Eventually we did break for lunch and then returned to finish everything up. We even had time to catch a movie that night. We saw The King's Speech which was a fantastic film. You should go see it. We are registered at Bed Bath and Beyond. Look us up :)

The Unfreezing of the Monies

It's been a while since I've posted anything about the wedding and that is because there hasn't been much to report. School has pretty much taken my focus over the past couple of months and due to my enormous tuition bill this time around, wedding money has been put on hold. So in order to avoid stressing about the freeze on my wedding budget I have pretty much avoided thinking about the whole thing. I don't like to get my hopes up in case plans don't work out. However Kris and I have put the deposit down on the space so I feel like things are going to happen...or we are out three hundred bucks. Either way it is more promising than before and since my tuition has been handled money for the wedding will be more forthcoming.
The majority of important wedding decisions have mostly been made so paying for them is the next step. And while parting with a significant amount of money is always nauseating for me I can't help but be exited that we are finally making things happen. I mean we signed a contract for heavens sake. That alone makes it feel more concrete. Not that my marrying Kris was ever in doubt I just had a couple of personal concerns about the actuality of having a wedding.
At this point all my bridesmaids have been notified so I can finally post their names in a concise list so anyone who is reading this will finally know. My bridesmaids consist of my sister; Tory and Elaina, my best friends Natalie and Amanda, and my soon to be sister Kelsey :). Victoria is my maid of honor due to the fact that she is pushy and violent and I feared for my safety. If you couldn't tell that was a joke...mostly.
At this point the wedding party is locked in with the notable exception of our flower girl. We wanted my cousin Macee to cutesy up the proceedings by walking her sassy self down the aisle. Unfortunately for use she is staunchly refusing even after months of persuasion and in some cases pleaded. Nothing is cracking this kid! Not the promises of walking with the ring bearer my little cousin Brody who is her favorite person or a gift of puppies. Seriously I tried to give her Jayda in exchange for her cooperation. Well not give her away, but play time was definitely on the table. Macee is firm in her five year old decision. The one time this kid makes a decision that isn't about candy happens to be one that affects my wedding. Go figure. I don't know what to do with her. One thing is for sure I'm not dragging an unwilling child into our wedding. My other option is my cousin Joanna who is nine and is a pro at flower girl-ing. I was going to have her as a jr. bridesmaid, but we shall see how this plays out.
This will be the abrupt end of my post because I am sleepy.

Check, Check, and Check

There is one thing more to be said about Kris' presence in my life. He is a decision maker and since he has been home many wedding decisions have been made. BAM! Venue! POW! Guest list! KAZAM! Music for the bridal march! I've loved having his input. I don't know why people think that girls are just born with the innate knowledge of wedding planning. Having Kris along for the ride makes me feel as if the success or failure of this event does not rest solely on my shoulders. I have a partner in crime.
First things first. We have settled on a venue and it came at exactly the right time. Kris and I had spent the day venue hunting and it had been a major bust. I was ready to completely give up and I told my patient fiance as much. I was tired and cranky and disappointed with our current options. Kris put me down for an afternoon nap and prayed that I would wake up in a better mood. We had one last venue appointment for the day and I desperately hoped that he would not even bother waking me up to make said appointment. But never let it be said that Kristopher Joseph Kuss is a coward because wake me up he did and thank goodness.
Capps Cove is a Bed and Breakfast complete with a rustic chapel that I fell in love with almost instantly. Miraculously it also fit in our budget. The reception space was included in the cost and is a charming barn space. I know, I know, you guys want to see pictures. I shall oblige.























And an idea of the reception space:


Just a peek I don't want to spoil the big wedding day reveal. Anyway so Kris and I loved the feel of the place, the simple beauty, and the price. We settled on it right away. We also have pretty much complete freedom over how we arrange and decorate the spaces. There is only one down side. It only holds 100 guests. Needless to say Kris and I sat down as soon as we got home and massacred what had started out as a monstrous guest list of upwards of 300 (I have a LARGE family). I do hate leaving so many people who we love out of our celebration, but we loved the venue and we loved the idea of not bankrupting my parents. I am also glad to be crossing things off the list.
Since settling on the venue and locking down the general look of the wedding I have changed my mind about wedding colors, but I found flowers that I adore. Things are moving forward in kind of a sideways manner. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me...oh well.

Moving Forward

Finally! Finally something wedding related has come to fruition. Okay, Okay its not like I'm super on top of the planning game, but I do have a list of venues to visit and our save the dates picked out and now I have my wedding dress and veil. It all happened so suddenly. I took my dad to look at a dress that I had been seriously considering as THE dress, but before we went to look at it I decided to pop in to another dress store that had been closed the day that I went to Cullman. I knew the minute I put the dress on that it was meant to be mine unfortunately with a 1200 dollar price tag I quickly saw my dream dress slipping away. Turns out the store was going out of business and the owner was selling her stock 50% off! I know what you are thinking. Buying a dress off the rack is a little iffy (and I shouldn't be so happy about this store closing. I do feel sorry for the owner). It has been tried on by other people and is probably dirty with a makeup smudge here or there. Nope! Not at all. She had only received that dress a month ago it was a brand new style and had been used primarily as a window display. There wasn't a bead out of place. Daddy bought the dress I bought my veil. Done and Done! Well except for the alterations, but lets not nitpick.
It is such a relief to have something go right. It's starting to feel like this wedding is really going to happen. Standing a year down the road from the big day can make it feel more like a fairy tale than an actuality. Logically of course I know that Kris and I will eventually get married, but owning my dress is a tangible truth. The wedding ball is rolling! The dress was kinda my most motivating task and now that I have it I'm ready to elope ;)

To Be Married...

As with many things definitions alter as you change and move through different phases in your life. It is the same way that a bible verse can speak to you in different ways depending on your current circumstances. At this exact moment being married means never being an ocean apart from the man you love, it means not counting forward seven hours to see if you'll get to talk to him today. It means heat and skin and kisses that aren't blown through a computer screen. It sounds lovely. Today I am struggling not with wedding planning (because lets be honest its not like my procrastinating nature is making much headway in that department)but with separation.
Before I met Kris I used to be semi independent. I know that is hard to believe, but it's the truth. I never felt this overwhelming desire to be with a person at all times. It's a wonderful and terrifying feeling to be drawn so strongly to a person and to want nothing but their continued happiness and company. Kris is my best friend, but he is so much more than that. He is half of who I am. I am my best when I am with him. So you can imagine how upsetting it is to spend the summer as less than my best.
We are not complete strangers to separation, but this is the first time that we have been apart and I didn't have the guarantee that school would resume and Kris and I would continue on as we always have. I won't see him in the caf, I won't visit him at the house, we won't do homework together, I won't take naps during the day just so I can stay up late with him after rehearsals. The summer will end and the separation will continue. I have never known Mobile without Kris and I'm scared. I know that I have to let go of the way things were to make way for a permanent life with him, but that doesn't mean that I'm not devastated over it. I don't know what else to say. I don't need comfort or promises that this last year will pass quickly. I know myself better than that. If summers without Kris feel like years then these next two semester will be as if time is running backwards instead of forward. I know that being apart isn't the worst thing that has ever happened to a couple...but I can't seem to put it into perspective.
I miss Kris.